Anna Nicole: She Sure Got Nude.


The news and entertainment media was shocked and horrified yesterday to find that one of their purest offspring, a braindead pill-popping porno-chick was found dead in a pool of her own vomit, surrounded by pills and narcotics. Her life was a constant embarassing and tragic shambles which the media documented with unending prurient glee. Staggering from one disastrous embarassment to another, culminating in the release of her reality TV show on which she was always appeared drunk, pilled-up, or both. It was one of those shows that makes you look to the skies longingly for signs of an incoming death-ray from benevolent Moon Men.

Now that she's dead of course, everything's different. MSNBC among others, is leading the charge to give her a legacy, attempting to legitimize and bronze an essentially worthless life that they otherwise exploited every minute of. Must be a slow news month.

But hey, this is important. She's one of their own. Smith was the ultimate student of media values, and nary a finger will be layed on her now. Her life is being described as "Short and tragic", rather than the more apt "Idiotic and immoral" or "Exploitive, pornographic, shameful and bereft of significance." or "What the hell was she thinking all those years?" or even "Well no kidding. This was pretty much inevitable, wasn't it?"

I do not wish to trivialize her death. It is indeed, tragic. And it was also entirely avoidable. Anna was simply a student of the times. She went down in the flames of the avoidable immoral idiocy that the media and academia champion so fervently, and will therefore be given a Monroe-esque legacy as someone who lived fast and hard, died young, and left a puke-covered silicony corpse. But not before leaving the world her greatest gift; the sight of her airbrushed surgery-jobs splayed all over Playboy for teenage boys to dehumanize. She did everything right shy of nailing a Kennedy. (as far as we know.)

The media will make her a hero. With a resume like that, how could they not? Consistency is important.





-Nick.








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